Mount Zion National Park: Angel’s Landing

On a reconnaissance mission we had to climb the heavens to get a better view of America. We found the amazing view we were looking for on the Angel’s Landing hike at Mount Zion National Park in Springdale, Utah.

We slept well under the stars in our large 8 person tent after filling up on Polygamy Porter, a Utah microbrew (Why have just one?), and smores around the campfire. The next morning we woke up prepared for a 5 mile that hike took us up 1800 feet via non-stop switchbacks and required all of our agility while traversing climbs up 3 foot wide paths with death looming in the form of a 6300 foot fall on either side. We pulled ourselves up the mountain at times using chains nailed into the rock. The top of Angel’s Landing provided a place for us to take a quick nap in the sun and appreciate one of the many beautifully serene places our country has to offer. Recharged with sun and sandwiches we took a few more pictures from our high perch on the mountain that we used to plot our course north through Utah.

Thanks to Tim and Troy for recommending the park and hike.

Arches National Park: Sometimes an Arch Is Just an Arch

And other times an arch is a provocative geological formation from the perverted mind of mother nature. Naughty Girl.
We received a request by the Senate Sub Committee on the Sultry Structures (SCSS) to swing by Arches National Park in Utah to evaluate where public funds should be used to support the tantalizing sandstone structures. The Senate has decided that it’s hard to define geological pornography but that you know it when you see it. Our task was to use our ‘Super Subjective Sense’ to report back to the SCSS on the extent innocent Americans could be corrupted by the provocative protrusions at Arches.

We were very aroused. In our submission to the SCSS, we suggested that some of the more objectionable formations should be dismantled.
But as a whole, the park was breathtaking in a predominantly pure way. Plus if all the formations in Arches were destroyed, Utah would be completely stripped of all stimulation. Yes, perhaps these natural aphrodisiacs should be spared.
We fixed any damage done to the part, redacted selections from our submission to the Senate Sub Committee on Sultry Structures and left the park with a new appreciation for America’s well endowed piece of Earth.

Trip Checklist - Masked Avenger from DC

Here are a few of the things I'll need for the 3 week expedition across the country. Any contributions would be appreciated.

Red, White and Blue Superhero Outfits - 3
Nigh-indestructible discus-shaped shield made from a fusion of vibranium with an experimental steel alloy - 2
Axels - 2
Oxen - 0
10 Gallon Wash Tub - 1
Knives - 2
Guns - 1
Gunpowder - 4 pounds
Meat (not fish) - 70 pounds
Bandannas - 3
Overalls - 2
Flannel Shirts - 2
Tents - 2
Pots - 2
Pans - 1
OTPHJ Punch Cards - 5
Cases of Miller High Life - 7