Mount Zion National Park: Angel’s Landing

On a reconnaissance mission we had to climb the heavens to get a better view of America. We found the amazing view we were looking for on the Angel’s Landing hike at Mount Zion National Park in Springdale, Utah.

We slept well under the stars in our large 8 person tent after filling up on Polygamy Porter, a Utah microbrew (Why have just one?), and smores around the campfire. The next morning we woke up prepared for a 5 mile that hike took us up 1800 feet via non-stop switchbacks and required all of our agility while traversing climbs up 3 foot wide paths with death looming in the form of a 6300 foot fall on either side. We pulled ourselves up the mountain at times using chains nailed into the rock. The top of Angel’s Landing provided a place for us to take a quick nap in the sun and appreciate one of the many beautifully serene places our country has to offer. Recharged with sun and sandwiches we took a few more pictures from our high perch on the mountain that we used to plot our course north through Utah.

Thanks to Tim and Troy for recommending the park and hike.

Grand Canyon National Park: Glamour Shots

The real Grand Canyon National Park is a desert canyonland in Arizona where the sun is more oppressive than Mr Furley from Three's Company. Forced to decide between viewing one of the Seven Wonders of the Natural World in person or viewing the Grand Canyon as a canvas backdrop behind us at Glamour Shots in Glendale, AZ, we chose to get pictures of ourselves indoors. Air Conditioning is one of the Seven Wonders of the Convenient World that would afford us to pose in great pictures without worrying about sweatstains.

We had to walk 3 levels in the mall to find Glamour Shots because the elevators and escalators were out of order but it was well worth it. We stopped off at an Orange Julius on the 2nd floor of the mall for refreshing citrus beverages. The photographer was a pro and she kept us entertained with puppets she made talk from behind the camera.

The photographer told jokes to make Chris smile:

Photographer: Knock Knock
Chris: Who's there?
Photographer: Canyon
Chris: Canyon who?
Photographer: Can-yon leave me a nice tip.



The photographer gave us a choice of Grand Canyon backdrops:

The only way to take a bad picture at Grand Canyon Glamour Shots was if you closed your eyes when the flash went off.

This is the shot we chose to have 8x10 prints of made that many of the people reading this blog will recieve as a holiday gift.

Arches National Park: Sometimes an Arch Is Just an Arch

And other times an arch is a provocative geological formation from the perverted mind of mother nature. Naughty Girl.
We received a request by the Senate Sub Committee on the Sultry Structures (SCSS) to swing by Arches National Park in Utah to evaluate where public funds should be used to support the tantalizing sandstone structures. The Senate has decided that it’s hard to define geological pornography but that you know it when you see it. Our task was to use our ‘Super Subjective Sense’ to report back to the SCSS on the extent innocent Americans could be corrupted by the provocative protrusions at Arches.

We were very aroused. In our submission to the SCSS, we suggested that some of the more objectionable formations should be dismantled.
But as a whole, the park was breathtaking in a predominantly pure way. Plus if all the formations in Arches were destroyed, Utah would be completely stripped of all stimulation. Yes, perhaps these natural aphrodisiacs should be spared.
We fixed any damage done to the part, redacted selections from our submission to the Senate Sub Committee on Sultry Structures and left the park with a new appreciation for America’s well endowed piece of Earth.

Mesa Verde: Where’d the Party Go?

The crew had hit a dry spell of a few days of long drives and they were in need of excitement. We went hunting for the party in Mesa Verde National Park where we’ve heard that the Pueblo Tribe, some of the earliest Americans, has been rocking it for thousands of years. We climbed and hiked 3 miles to find the party and work off some of the BBQ pork and steaks from the trip.

The hike was a harsh reminder that the early Americans used their legs for something other than pressing an accelerate pedal. While staring at amazing landscapes, we pondered the difficult journey early explorers must have had without cruise control.

We found clues in Petroglyphs or rock carvings that the ancient Pueblo tribes had carved into the side of a mountain. Our National Park Trail guide translated the story as ‘House Party’ that went pretty bumpin’ when one of the Corn tribesman’s parents left the city in the mountain alcove for the weekend. The tribesman invited his boys from the Water and Sand tribes over to party with him and a bunch of fly honeys in the alcove. After hearing about this epic party, we hit the start button again and took our hike off of pause to hurry up and join the party.
But alas! The party was dead. Careful investigation of some Park documents led us to deduce that all of the Pueblo people had left this party around the 1200’s. They must have run out of beer.