Mount Zion National Park: Angel’s Landing

On a reconnaissance mission we had to climb the heavens to get a better view of America. We found the amazing view we were looking for on the Angel’s Landing hike at Mount Zion National Park in Springdale, Utah.

We slept well under the stars in our large 8 person tent after filling up on Polygamy Porter, a Utah microbrew (Why have just one?), and smores around the campfire. The next morning we woke up prepared for a 5 mile that hike took us up 1800 feet via non-stop switchbacks and required all of our agility while traversing climbs up 3 foot wide paths with death looming in the form of a 6300 foot fall on either side. We pulled ourselves up the mountain at times using chains nailed into the rock. The top of Angel’s Landing provided a place for us to take a quick nap in the sun and appreciate one of the many beautifully serene places our country has to offer. Recharged with sun and sandwiches we took a few more pictures from our high perch on the mountain that we used to plot our course north through Utah.

Thanks to Tim and Troy for recommending the park and hike.

Culinary Capers - Pink's Hotdogs... Suicide Mission

Dead. All dead.

Or at least our heroes were shut down in a food coma for the next 24 hours after eating at the famous Pink’s Hotdogs in Hollywood, CA. They patiently staked out the hotdog stand that has been serving up wieners in Hollywood for the past 69 years. After an hour and fifteen minutes of menu surveillance, we stepped up to the counter and entered the all beef zone. The memory of our waitress was tested with our order but our gastronomic capacity was put to a true test when she returned with two trays of fully loaded hotdogs.

Surrounded with our backs against the wall, our only option was to eat our way out of this beefy predicament. Undaunted, our heroes overcame the hotdog suicide mission albeit wounded in the gut and deeply in need of antacids.

Here is the hotdog rundown:

Matt:
Millennium Hotdog: 12 Inch Jalapeno Dog topped with chili, onions, tomatoes and guacamole
Coleslaw Dog: Standard hotdog topped with coleslaw and BBQ sauce

Dan:
Martha Stewart: 12 Inch hotdog topped with saurkrawt, grilled onions, bacon, tomatoes, mustard and sour cream
Chili Cheese Dog: Standard hotdog with chili and nacho cheese

Mark:
Millennium: 12 Inch Jalapeno Dog topped with chili, onions, tomatoes and guacamole
Stretch Chili Dog: 10 Inch hotdog topped with chili, onions and nacho cheese

Brendan:
Lord of the Rings: 10 Inch stretch hotdog with onion rings and BBQ sauce
Chili Cheese Dog: Standard hotdog with chili and nacho cheese

Chris:
Stretch Chili Dog: 10 Inch hotdog topped with chili, onions and nacho cheese
Spicy Polish Dog: Polish sausage topped with chili, onions and nacho cheese

Lindsey:
Turkey Dog: Standard sized turkey dog with ketchup.

Grand Canyon National Park: Glamour Shots

The real Grand Canyon National Park is a desert canyonland in Arizona where the sun is more oppressive than Mr Furley from Three's Company. Forced to decide between viewing one of the Seven Wonders of the Natural World in person or viewing the Grand Canyon as a canvas backdrop behind us at Glamour Shots in Glendale, AZ, we chose to get pictures of ourselves indoors. Air Conditioning is one of the Seven Wonders of the Convenient World that would afford us to pose in great pictures without worrying about sweatstains.

We had to walk 3 levels in the mall to find Glamour Shots because the elevators and escalators were out of order but it was well worth it. We stopped off at an Orange Julius on the 2nd floor of the mall for refreshing citrus beverages. The photographer was a pro and she kept us entertained with puppets she made talk from behind the camera.

The photographer told jokes to make Chris smile:

Photographer: Knock Knock
Chris: Who's there?
Photographer: Canyon
Chris: Canyon who?
Photographer: Can-yon leave me a nice tip.



The photographer gave us a choice of Grand Canyon backdrops:

The only way to take a bad picture at Grand Canyon Glamour Shots was if you closed your eyes when the flash went off.

This is the shot we chose to have 8x10 prints of made that many of the people reading this blog will recieve as a holiday gift.

Arches National Park: Sometimes an Arch Is Just an Arch

And other times an arch is a provocative geological formation from the perverted mind of mother nature. Naughty Girl.
We received a request by the Senate Sub Committee on the Sultry Structures (SCSS) to swing by Arches National Park in Utah to evaluate where public funds should be used to support the tantalizing sandstone structures. The Senate has decided that it’s hard to define geological pornography but that you know it when you see it. Our task was to use our ‘Super Subjective Sense’ to report back to the SCSS on the extent innocent Americans could be corrupted by the provocative protrusions at Arches.

We were very aroused. In our submission to the SCSS, we suggested that some of the more objectionable formations should be dismantled.
But as a whole, the park was breathtaking in a predominantly pure way. Plus if all the formations in Arches were destroyed, Utah would be completely stripped of all stimulation. Yes, perhaps these natural aphrodisiacs should be spared.
We fixed any damage done to the part, redacted selections from our submission to the Senate Sub Committee on Sultry Structures and left the park with a new appreciation for America’s well endowed piece of Earth.

Mesa Verde: Where’d the Party Go?

The crew had hit a dry spell of a few days of long drives and they were in need of excitement. We went hunting for the party in Mesa Verde National Park where we’ve heard that the Pueblo Tribe, some of the earliest Americans, has been rocking it for thousands of years. We climbed and hiked 3 miles to find the party and work off some of the BBQ pork and steaks from the trip.

The hike was a harsh reminder that the early Americans used their legs for something other than pressing an accelerate pedal. While staring at amazing landscapes, we pondered the difficult journey early explorers must have had without cruise control.

We found clues in Petroglyphs or rock carvings that the ancient Pueblo tribes had carved into the side of a mountain. Our National Park Trail guide translated the story as ‘House Party’ that went pretty bumpin’ when one of the Corn tribesman’s parents left the city in the mountain alcove for the weekend. The tribesman invited his boys from the Water and Sand tribes over to party with him and a bunch of fly honeys in the alcove. After hearing about this epic party, we hit the start button again and took our hike off of pause to hurry up and join the party.
But alas! The party was dead. Careful investigation of some Park documents led us to deduce that all of the Pueblo people had left this party around the 1200’s. They must have run out of beer.

Detour # 4: Santa Fe, New Mexico

The drive from Amarillo, Texas to Santa Fe, New Mexico was one of the most beautiful stretches of land we’ve traversed so far. The diverse terrain made it hard for us to get distracted by the countless DVDs, audio books or XBOX games we brought in the van. We’ve been surrounded by plains in Oklahoma and Texas the past two days but now we are staring at exposed rock faces in mountains, plateaus, random crimson red craters in the earth and rolling hills that expand beyond our horizon as we continue hurdling West with favorable a favorable speed limit of 75 mph.

Fitted with our stylish new cowboy wear we made such great time on I-40 that we decided to make a detour to Santa Fe to see New Mexico’s capital city and famous American Indian Art.

The capitol building is 1/3 government administration space and 2/3 art gallery. It featured paintings, sculptures and tapestries by Native American artists. Downtown Santa Fe is a cool walking city pleasantly littered with more sculptures and historic sites.
We walked through the Historic Plaza where American Indians were selling handmade clothing and jewelry. We tried to go to the Institute of American Indian Art but were sent walking on a trail of tears after finding out they were minutes away from closing.

The Church of St Francis of Assisi was guarded by a bronze Statue of St Francis that made him look more like a gladiator than the founding Friar. Brendan successfully navigated his way through a labyrinth of bricks outside the church but we still weren't granted admittance. St Francis is one tough bugger.

There Worn from walking about a mile (we’ve been holed up in a car for the past two days, give us a break), we searched out some sustenance.

Am I a Real Cowboy?

The morning was kicked off with a Texas sized meal of blueberry pancakes, eggs and crispy bacon at Ye Old Pancake Station.

Then we headed to Boots N’ Jeans in Amarillo, TX to get the necessary disguises to continue heading into the Wild West, we needed to be outfitted with the right gear. . .

Chris settled on a black felt hat. He’ll be your Huckleberry.

Mark picked up a white straw hat with light brown trim that fits right for the summer season.

Matt grabbed a sharp cream palm hat with a customized brown hat belt. The saleswoman was so taken by the way he looked in his hat that she asked for his email address (so Boots N’ Jeans could send him future specials).

Brendan dug deep to his inner explorer and found a dark brown Indiana Jones hat that spoke to his heart.

We also picked up some light cotton cowboy patterned Wrangler shirts with pearl snaps to further fit in as we travel into the frontier.

Next Stop: Santa Fe, New Mexico and Mesa Verde National Park